Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
