dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
