If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
