I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
