I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
