I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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