im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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