so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
