watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
