I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
