you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
