he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
