just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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