I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize