I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
