That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
