Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
