Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
