i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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