I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
