i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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