Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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