He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
