i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
