From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
