just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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