epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
