I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
