You can't special order awesome
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
