They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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