Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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