your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
why do cheetos always look like penises
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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