I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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