I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize