Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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