I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
