I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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