Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
