I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
