You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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