Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
