I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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