This is not my ceiling
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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