i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
