I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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