My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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