My nipple is on Facebook.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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