I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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