batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
