I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize