Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
