everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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