Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
