I bet he comes in French.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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