yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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