So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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