pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
