come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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