I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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