This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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