It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
