Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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